love wins…the end

How Deep the Father’s Love for Us

How Deep the Father’s Love for us, How vast beyond all measure, That He should give his life for us,To make a wretch His treasure

His love for us is so deep, I will never know it’s depths.I want to spend my days boasting of His goodness. Without pain and suffering, I don’t know if i could have experienced the loving comfort of His arms like I have.  I had an experience at the beginning of August at a conference in Birmingham. At this point I was so exhausted from battling thoughts, dreams and feelings. In the end I realized it was the Holy Spirit giving me revelation. My prayer through this season was “God, take these thoughts from me or bring to light the truth”. For months I prayed this. I just couldn’t shake the constant daily thoughts about the unthinkable. As I stood in the sanctuary  with a thousand others the band played. There was a different feeling.At one point I think I  leaned over to someone and told them how great the sound was. It seemed so full and perfect. As a pastor’s wife I thought “They are really annointed and have a great sound system:) As the song began (I don’t even remember what song it was), I began to tell God, “I’m so sorry that I haven’t been strong. I’m so sorry I can’t stop having theses thoughts. I know I should  have more control than this. I know I have disappointed You”. While I hung my head in shame because I wasn’t casting down thoughts,  I heard God so clearly speak to my heart and say “I’m not dissappointed in you. I love you and am proud of you”. I then felt someone tall and strong in front of me and as I barely lifted my hands close to my chest and bowed my head, I felt a strong embrace. I was held and comforted as I wept into His chest. I have felt God’s presence before but never so physically. He was willing to physically comfort me. He knew the time was coming that would reveal the truth of all I had felt. I had to know that He was there and had never left me.

He has been a guide, comforter and a strength like I have never known before. Because you go through difficulties doesn’t mean that He has taken His hand from you. This is the refining of our faith. It’s almost like a surgery that is removing things that do you no good, like pride and insecurity and replacing them with trust, faith and security in Christ.  He is the real supplier of all my needs (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical). When I felt alone, He was there speaking to me. When I felt like I had to do something but didn’t know what to do, He was there working it out for me. When I felt beaten up from the battle, He reminded me that He sent angels on my behalf to fight for me. He binds up the wound of the broken hearted and carries the weak. That is not the end of the story. I have been strengthened by flexing muscles I never knew I had. My dreams are bigger, my trust is stronger. Ever time I had a doubt through this, the Lord sent me a promise. If you are wondering if God is personal or if he really cares about you….. Let me tell you that He does! He is not some far off god. He is the comforter, the strong arm lifting you.

Psalm 119:50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life

Isaiah 51:3 The LORD will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; he will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the LORD. Joy and gladness will be found in her, thanksgiving and the sound of singing


Further reading

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  1. Thank you so much for the out pouring of your heart and life. You are truly a Blessing to me and I believe every single person you come in contact with, and I am so very thankful for that. I know this comfort you are speaking about-and its His unmistakable love and peace. Sending my love and prayers!

  2. Ashley, you have always been secure to me. I love that you’re noticing your “flexing muscles” that I’ve always seen! You have written this with Greatness.