The Wound

As I walked out of the garage door, boxes stacked three high in my arms, my foot hit the driveway half on pavement, half on grass. Before even realizing it, boxes went flying and I fell knee first. Usually when I or someone else falls I get a pretty good laugh in because that kind of thing is funny to me. On this day, it was not funny. I was alone trying to get one more load moved from the old house to the new house. My first thought was “I HATE THIS!!!!” It just seemed to add to the confusion and pain I was already enduring. At first I didn’t even feel it. I was numb. After mumbling something about my annoyance , I felt the throb in my knee. When I looked down, my knee was pouring blood. I didn’t even care. I just rolled my eyes and said “Great!”. The pain became more and more intense. That week, the wound was so sensitive. If anything came near it, I would cover it to protect it. I couldn’t sleep without it hurting. I couldn’t go one moment of the day without being reminded of it  because it hurt. It was a gaping wound.  After a little doctoring the wound began to heal. It was gross and gooey and still hurt but the pain was not deep anymore. It finally scabbed over and became less sensitive. I was still reminded of it if something hit it or rubbed against it. After that stage the healing was complete but there was a scare. I will never forget that injury because I can look down and see the evidence of the fall on my knee. I rarely notice it and sometimes forget about it. When I see the scar, it doesn’t bring me pain anymore but I will never forget it.

It is no coincidence that this happened when it did. God clearly compared the body healing to spiritual and emotional healing that day. When injury happens, how do I know what to expect? What’s ok for me to feel? What’s ok for me to think? How long should the process take?

Let’s take a look at injuries in life. We all have them. The first reaction is shock. When I first fell, I didn’t feel the pain of it all. The same was true when I received my wound. I was in shock even though I felt I had been prepared in some ways and even had an idea. You tell yourself this can’t be happening.  Even preparation can’t prepare you for some news. I walked around numb for a few days just trying to figure things out. The second stage is the gushing blood coming from your wound. This is a time when all you can do is sob, pray and hurt so bad that you think you can’t endure any more pain. It’s like the truth of the matter comes completely to light for you to deal with. Nothing can stop it, you just have to bleed for a little while. After you stop the constant gushing of emotions the wound begins to heal. This part is not pretty. Have you ever skinned your knee then take the bandaid off and drainage comes off with it? It’s ugly and still painful but the wound has to be cared for. You can’t just move on and act like nothing happened. This process seems like it will never end. I was told that God will take you deeper in the pain so that deeper healing can be done. He will comfort you in these times. One day you feel like you have the hope of your future, the next day you can barely get out of bed. You are not going backwards, you are being healed deeper. Anything that reminds you of the injury hurts. A look, a word… ANYTHING! It’s ok to hurt and natural to try and protect yourself.

The next stage is a deeper healing. The scab begins to form. The injury no longer consumes every thought, every conversation and every moment. The wound is still there and if the scab is hit directly, it will break the wound open again and begin to bleed for a while. This happened to me. I was so far along feeling so free and one thought prompted by one conversation sent a rush of pain and memories that I hadn’t dealt with in months. The healing was not complete. There were still things that had to be healed in me and molded God’s way. Although I felt the sting of this pain again, my recovery was so much faster.

The final stage is the scar. You and everyone else can see that you have a scare but it isn’t the main thing you see. It’s only a reminder. You can talk about it with no pain, you can bump it on things and it doesn’t hurt. Your leg looks a little different and you will never forget it but the healing has taken place.

I’ve had to learn to allow the stages to happen. God wants to heal us through our circumstances, not around them. Trials bring purification and faith. Injuries are going to happen. Give yourself time to heal and walk through it. Dodging it only makes you stay in the gross, gooey stage. Deal with it so healing can be completed. Scares are ok. People say that their tragedy didn’t define them but mine did. It changed my life and my perspective. I will never be the same and that is something I am thankful for. I know there are so many people looking for answers in the middle of their wound. Keep pressing forward and don’t waste your time questioning every step. Healing will come.

Isaiah 53:4-5 Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God,stricken by him, and afflicted.But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

We ARE HEALED!

Further reading

I would love to hear what you think. Please feel free to leave a comment.
  1. Cyndi says:

    Best one yet. Wow. No words to say how appropriately you painted the picture of a wound

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  2. Michelle says:

    A song can play in the car, or a store, and I will twinge now, once the memories of my wound would take my breath. Now, I can move fairly quickly from the residual pain ….it will always be a part of me, a scar that sometimes I only know about. I once wallowed in self pity, most days now I am grateful for the wounding. I walked through pain, nurtured the healing…not on my own, God comforted me through so many. He carried me when I couldn’t face the day, but had to for my children…I know he has a plan and I am just waiting to comfort another.

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  3. Healing deeper….so very true and so very necessary.

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  4. Shannon says:

    Well said, there are no other words to say to you but thank you for this.

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  5. Dale says:

    Healing words. Honored to walk this journey with you my sister..miracles before my very eyes.

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  6. Great insight! Thank you for sharing this. I will be sending this on to a few people for sure. Beautifully written!!!

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  7. Wonderful blog, Ashley.

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  8. I saw this on Barbara Benton’s FB. What a great analogy of how to look at the injury all the way to the healing. Thanks for sharing it blessed me at the right time! I will share also!

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  9. I can relate to your story so much, but the part that hits close to home for me is that people say that their tragedy didn’t define them. I also feel that my tragedy changed who I am and always will be. Dramatically changed my life and how I see things. I can say that in the midst of all the healing, that nothing made sense to me. Ten years later, it is amazing how much I have peace with all that was put before me and Chad to endure. I can also relate to the dodging process, only to have God correct me and force me to deal with the unresolved pieces. I have been able to come to a place, where I am thankful for the knowledge and grace given to me as a result of our tragedy. Thank you for the wise words!

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  10. Thanks for sharing! I am going through some Healing from some pain in my life and I will be HEALED in time! Thank you JESUS!

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  11. Dianna says:

    The way you speak hope into others’ lives makes me smile, Ashley!

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  12. Lynne says:

    walking this right now! can’t wait for the scab to be gone and the pain to be a dull memory..thanks so much

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  13. Joni Hawkins says:

    Sharing these private thoughts and feelings with such honesty is so courageous Ashley. I know without a doubt that God is doing a work in your heart and your decision to share it will help countless others.
    My heart goes out to yours and I continually mention your family in my prayers.

    Love,
    Joni

    Romans
    18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
    26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
    28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
    29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.
    31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?
    32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

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  14. Katie White says:

    Ashley, this is beautiful! Thank you for sharing your inspirational words. You are an amazing woman of God!!

    Reply